Schommer.Life

7/4/25

The power of change is a daily work of art. My biggest struggle is bitterness. I forgive, but I don’t forget. Bitterness is complicated. This is something I was able to identify somewhere in my late 20s, early 30s, but have not yet found peace with. There are times when remembering how I was treated or the way I may have treated others is important.  It allows for growth and offers the opportunity to be a better person, and reminds me not to allow others to treat me the way they did in the past, in the future. 

There are other times when a person I have forgiven, does something annoying or in my opinion, stupid, and I open the flood gates to all the shitty things from the past.  Does this mean I haven’t forgiven them? It’s not fair that I am holding these past events against them, is it? What if they’re doing the same thing to me? I’ve made some questionable choices in my life. Are they holding that against me?  What if my shitty mistakes had nothing to do with them. 

All questions that flow through my head, and then I reach to the Universe and God and ask for the strength to let it go! Don’t shut me down because you think I’m going to tell you to follow God. I’m not telling you to follow anything except your conscious. I am here to share my journey with you. What you do with that is up to you. God has always been important to me. I have always spent time talking to God and asking for guidance. The difference I see now is my strength and power to focus on the positive, and knowing God is with me, not against me. 

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, and I don’t necessarily think that not being able to forget is what causes bitterness. Maybe I have not genuinely forgiven, and that is where my bitterness comes from. As I reflect on this part of healing, I can identify individuals whom I struggled to let back into my life. Family, friends, community, and now I have 100% forgiven and welcome their company and friendship without fear. This feels wonderful, and I believe that in these situations, their acts came from kindness and innocence. Where I struggle is with those who, knowingly or not, are toxic. They thrive on gossip and scandals, and express their feelings with negative beliefs and reactions, and despite their motives, have caused too many issues throughout our time together. 

Anyone who knows me knows I have strong feelings about toxic relationships and toxic people. Too many times, I have found myself in a situation feeling angry, only to later realize I wasn’t as angry as I thought I was. I once worked with a coworker whom I very much enjoyed working with. They were kind, ethical, and respected our clients. However, they were the first to point out mistakes they felt management made. The first to discuss negative employee relations, lack of confidence, and integrity, and the last to adapt to any change. Working with this person was often a revolving circle of chatter, followed by frustration and dissatisfaction: “You’re right, why am I not upset with that?”  Only after this person no longer worked with the agency was I able to see this vicious circle and realize how toxic the environment had become. I felt the weight lifted and resilience restored within our team.  I believe everyone deserves a second chance; however, time and time again and my trust will be lost. Loss of trust equals inadequate relationships and ineffective communication. The connection is interrupted, conflicts are unresolved, and emotional distance becomes thicker and heavier. Only once you can place all these concerns on the table, are you able to heal and move forward with a healthy relationship.  

So, what do you do when the other person isn’t able to recognize your feelings and you’re unable to end the relationship? This is where I ask God for the guidance and wisdom to accept what I am not able to control. Put it in God’s hands. Remind myself to stay positive, to breathe, and to be grateful that I have the self-awareness to not be that toxic person. In the end, I will be able to find peace, while the toxic person will only continue to assign blame. Pray for them as you pray for yourself and all those surrounding you. Ask God to show them guidance and wisdom to make positive choices, and to release their toxic behaviors. The power of change is a daily work of art. I ask the Lord to release me from my bitterness, to forgive and to find peace. 

Proverbs 27 

Romans 12 

XOXO 

Schommer Life

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